How do you decide what?

As I said, I am the guy who likes to live in his dreams, when it comes to reality, everything just starts changing shapes. It begins with a mere vocal transition from an ever helping face to a mere formal gesture. When everything comes to ground zero, you are naked right. You weren’t born with egos, your temperament, your gestures etc. all and everything in your bag today are what you stole or in rare cases earned! Then why everyone does pretend and show off that nothing really matters.
I met her, she decided that we are not going to land up in a long time relationship and thus we broke up. As a matter of fact, we celebrated our parting! As if we always wanted to repel away from each others force field. Now as you would interpret this, my mindset is not a result of this composite split. It is just normal. How normal was it for me to fall in love with her it’s just the opposite to really get over her. I don’t need time to think that I can get over her gradually; the fact is I just cannot do it. It’s something that’s so into me. I cannot really stop loving her. I don’t really know what she might do. Perhaps she is not a round hole in a square peg like I am. And she does not really think the way I do. Might be, she does. But she never expresses it. It takes a lot of coaxing and a hell lot of pushing and drenching to squeeze out the emotions out of her. She has issues too. I need to understand her. Like I cannot stop loving her, she needs to stop loving me. That’s what she knows she needs to do. She does not take any swearing nor does her act needs any justification. She just needs to stop loving me. That’s it. We got a break up in a way that we always wanted to. We have never regretted in anything and so we shouldn’t be doing that now. That was our mantra. We followed it through out. For me, I was bound to suffer as I lived in my dreams. I had her, but in my dreams. I used to kiss her, play with her cheeks, sway her hair but everything in my dreams. When it came to reality, I could hardly hold her in public, ‘cause she found it cheap.
I might be really frustrated now, might have crossed all limits of cribbing. But that’s how I see it. My life is so empty without her. And I am afraid of emptiness. I better move on. I better start walking. I better not just sit on the pavement and repent. But the whole controversy lies exactly at this part. I cannot do that. If I pretend to be happy and walk ahead, she would be so happy for me outside. But at the inside, she would be burning.

*** to be contd..